


Remembering Guilt

by IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics (faraandmera)



Series: GOT7 Gaurdian Angel AU [11]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angst, Friendship, Implied Romance, M/M, choo choo, death is mentioned as is suicide in the past, i say as im the one not letting him, im not a good person, jaebum is doing his best, let youngjae be happy, murder is also mentioned, sorta - Freeform, welcome about the angst and guilt train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:11:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9832619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics
Summary: Youngjae still remembers, still feels guilt, about the action that made him become a demon when he died. Jaebum just happens to be there to listen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in june of 2016
> 
> tumblr version: http://iamashamedofmyfanfics.tumblr.com/post/146475033870/
> 
> i'd say im sorry but im not

When Youngjae was human, he was pretty poor. Barely able to afford somewhere to live, he ended up right across the street from a orphanage that was practically falling apart. He had a few friends- one of which visited him a lot- and the kids from the orphanage knew him well enough to call him ‘big brother’ at times.

When Youngjae was human he was helping out at said orphanage when someone broke in. In a panic at being caught they attacked him- weakly- and in his fear and anger that someone would try to steal from the place he killed them.

“What did I do?! What have I done?!” Youngjae had cried, even as one of the other workers called the police and Youngjae was eventually let off with self defense as his savior. 

Nothing anyone said though made him feel any less guilty.

Youngjae’s best friend finds him dead and Youngjae remembers feeling guilty for that too when a reaper took him away and he was made a demon.

Even years later, he still thinks back to that thief and feels guilt swell in his gut. They were so small, so weak, they probably were just desperate and Youngjae had taken their life.

Which is why Youngjae has a hard doing his job when it comes to theft. As a chaos demon he’s supposed to cause negative emotions in humans. Being stolen from was sure to cause those. Yet every time it comes down to it, Youngjae hesitates. A preference for breaking up couples or causing fights forms because it.

No matter his feelings, eventually he does have to deal with theft.

_“She’s an easy target,”_ Youngjae whispers to a thief as they pass Youngjae’s target. Though they don’t hear him, he knows they have a thought of a similar notion because of it. When they take a step towards Youngjae’s target, Youngjae freezes.

_“Wait.”_ They don’t wait, but his target turns, catches the thief trying to pickpocket her.

“What are you doing?!” She yells, takes a step back, and the thief makes a surprised noise before the run. Sprints right into traffic.

_“WAIT!”_ Youngjae reaches out toward them, hopes he might somehow be able to stop them. They aren’t his target, it wont matter if they die to the higher ups. But Youngjae doesn’t want to be responsible for someone dying again.

A stranger reaches- past Youngjae’s own hand- and grabs the thief before they can get hit by a car. Once the car passes, though, they push away from the person and run again. It’s luck, Youngjae guesses, that they make it across the street safely and they fade into the crowd.

When Youngjae turns back around his target is gone and he sighs. “Youngjae you absolute moron.”

“Don’t beat yourself up.” Youngjae jumps at the voice, and sighs when he realizes that it is Jaebum. “I can’t always be here to stop you from killing people though.”

“Thanks.” It’s all Youngjae can think to say, even as he pushes himself against a buildings wall and breathes out. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay?” Youngjae isn’t okay. With a sigh Youngjae slides down the wall and buries his face in his hands.

“I almost killed another one.”

“Another?”

“Thief. Another that just needs to survive and I almost killed them for it.”

“Younjae,” Jaebum whispers the words, like he doesn’t know how to respond. He probably doesn’t. Youngjae knows when Jaebum kneels against the wall next to him by the shifting of wings that hit him. “What are you talking about?”

“You know I’m a demon.”

“I’m aware, yes.”

“You know why?” His voice cracks and Jaebum hesitates to respond.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I want to tell someone.” Youngjae sighs, lifts his face from his hands, and drops to fully sit on the ground. Jaebum follows suit. “Talking about stuff is supposed to help right?”

“Okay. I’ll listen if you want to talk.”

“I killed someone,” Youngjae mutters then, louder, repeats it. “I killed someone. A thief broke into the orphanage across the street from me while I was there and I killed them.”

“Youngjae…”

“They’re where so skinny, so weak, I’ve never been that Strong but it was… it wasn’t hard… how could I do that?” Youngjae’s voice breaks again, tears well up in his eyes. “I was a _human_ and that was the only time I’ve killed anyone and I _still_ feel terrible because of it. I’m a horrible excuse of a person that’s why I was made a demon.”

“Youngjae…” Jaebum rests a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder. “The fact you feel guilty means you aren’t the scum of the afterlife or anything.”

“Ha, right.”

“I died in a car crash,” Jaebum suddenly says, drawing Youngjae to face him. “It was my own fault and I killed six other people. I was angry and part of me didn’t feel bad when I ‘woke up’ to find out what happened and why we were all dead.”

“Jaebum…” Youngjae looks shocked, maybe even horrified. Jaebum shrugs, smiles like that’s okay, but Youngjae frowns when he realizes as much. “You’re an angel.”

“That I am.”

“And I’m a demon.”

“That you are.”

“No offense but something about this seems off.”

“None taken. I still wonder how I wasn’t made a demon. And I know I haven’t known you a super long time, but you strike me more as angel material.”

“Thanks,” Youngjae laughs. “I always wanted to think I was better than other people.”

“Don’t stereotype me.” Jaebum laughs despite his words and the fact that they’re both smiling almost makes it seem like Youngjae wasn’t about to cry a minute ago. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Youngjae nods, takes a deep breath, and then stands. “Now I should find my target before she ends up happy or something.”

“That would be _tragic_.” Jaebum stands as well, stretches his wings because they’d been pressed against a wall, and smiles. “I have to find and make sure my target doesn’t die anyway.”

When Youngjae was human he had a strong sense of a morality that he didn’t want to break. An idea that caused him a ton of grief and guilt when he broke it. Being a demon made it easier. He wasn’t killing people, but the guilt he felt making their lives worse slowly faded until he was numb to it. Even though he doesn’t kill humans he even starts to not feel much about that either.

Though he still feels guilty about what he’d done when he was human. Still has a hard time dealing with theft and thieves. Still wondered if he’d ever be able to admit that and feels relieved when he can.

Youngjae hasn’t felt this okay thinking about the past in so long he feels the need to thank Jaebum again. He doesn’t, though. Not aloud at least.


End file.
